I Love Insults!

 Hey everyone! 

    Today I will talk about Sag Harbor by Colson Whitehead and Benji and his friends' interactions, particularly with the use of insults. There are many instances throughout the book scenes where Benji or his friends are having a conversation insulting and making fun of each other all the time. Many people would see this and strongly dislike it because they think they are being mean and obnoxious to each other all the time. While admittedly that is sometimes the motivation behind the things that they say, this is simply how they and many other high-school-age people talk to each other and express affection toward each other. That sounds counter-intuitive, but it's true.

    One of the main ways that this type of interaction is misunderstood is its intention and background. For one thing, the people who are making these jokes about you are your friends, who would be people you trust. People you trust will generally be more likely to know personal things about you, and therefore it should be more likely and reasonable that they would make fun of you for it. They know all of the embarrassing stories about you from your childhood, stupid things you did last summer, etc. The intention behind these kinds of jokes and insults is more to make fun of the person they are directed at to express affection (awww). For example, Benji's friends make fun of his sense of style often. Benji himself knows that he isn't particularly stylish, as he tells us himself. In this way, he can accept the insult as true and funny and move on or create one of his own. 

    Especially in the case of teenage boys, openly showing affection and complementing each other is generally seen as kind of strange. This is true even to this day, at least in most situations. This is related to toxic masculinity in some ways, which many people are probably already familiar with. While toxic masculinity is not a good thing, I would say that it makes it difficult for other people to understand the hidden language behind these insults. The other part of this is that it's never just everyone making fun of one person, because that just becomes bullying or harassment. Instead, everyone makes fun of everyone else. Even with just two people, this would be one person making fun of the other, and the other responding with perhaps, "Well at least I don't _____" for example. Thus, the insult is mutual. However, this can still have negative effects on the relationship, and it is usually good to at least have a few times where you are genuine with your affection or compliments.

    As I have said, this is still something that definitely happens today, in our high schools and relationships. I personally have many relationships that have this kind of format. There are often times with my friends that I make fun of them for some stupid thing that they have done in the past, and in turn, they make fun of something stupid that I did (of which there are many). It's also funny because you get to bring up all the funny things that happened with you and that person and laugh about them together. This is one of the key points: that you're not laughing at them about something they did, but laughing with them because they also realize that it was stupid. When you're laughing with them, it actually strengthens the bond between the people involved, as they think about the funny things that have happened in their past. 

    There are a lot of ways that this kind of relationship can cause problems or fights, but that is also part of a relationship. There is not one relationship in the world that has never had a problem or won't in the future. It's just not possible. This type of relationship doesn't work for everyone, including myself at some points. However, I don't think that it deserves the amount of dislike and harsh views that some people have about it. While it can be destructive in some cases, it can also be very CONstructive for the relationship, something that I think a lot of people don't realize.